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vusual gallery |
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usher humour |
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Parazoned Ass! |
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Martyn Styles, Kent In Spring 2009, I went to the toilet to empty my bowel. I realised that the toilet roll was low and had almost run out. I felt for a pack of Andrex toilet tissue. They were wet tissue wipes used for cleaning the bottom. I tried pulling some tissue out, but the container was empty. I found another spare one beneath a pack of plastic boxes. I tore off a wet tissue and sniffed it. It had a lovely flower smell. I wiped my bottom and finished in the toilet. I didn't read what was on the label of the new tissue, because I just thought my wife had bought a new variety of toilet tissue. A couple of days later, I was helping my wife, Dawn, with the shopping in Sainsbury's. I felt that my bottom was just a little sore, and I wanted to scratch it. But I couldn't do that in a crowded supermarket. I pushed the trolley so that I could speed up our shopping, but Dawn told me to calm down. I became embarrassed and depressed, because I wanted to scratch my bottom. I thought I might have a bug. I really had to scratch my bottom and simply ignore anyone who might be looking at me. Dawn said "What are you doing? What is the matter?" I replied "Nothing! Carry on shopping." Three days later, Dawn tapped me on the shoulder and said "I have no Andrex toilet tissue." I showed her where I had found some and pointed to the pack I had taken the scented tissue from. She said "Not this one. It isn't Andrex toilet tissue." I replied "What do you mean? Isn't that the tissue for wiping your bottom?" Dawn picked it up and put it away in a cupboard. "It's Parazone toilet wipes," she said. I opened my mouth and said "Cor! That wasn't Parazone toilet wipes! I thought it was new and had a nice smell." Dawn said "It is for germs. You wipe them and kill them." I replied "Oh, my goodness! That means it kills germs. I wiped my bottom with one of those!" Dawn blushed and put her hand over her mouth to smother her laughter. I told her that I can't see what the label said. I could only sniff the perfume and thought how nice it smelt. I had a sore anus for a few days. I couldn't believe how embarrassed I felt, because I wanted to scratch my bottom in Sainsbury's. Dawn couldn't stop laughing, but she bought me some cream to soothe my sore bottom. I refused to let her do that for me. I was better after a few days, but the next time I sniffed the tissue to make sure it wasn't a Parazone toilet wipe . before I wiped my bottom!
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