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You are here: usher stories > usher humour > ohe bad tempered neighbour! |
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One Bad Tempered Neighbour! Ben Harris, Rading, Berks I own a terraced house and the gardens all have low fences so privacy is somewhat lacking. One very hot evening last year I was watching The West Wing, naturally with subtitles to keep pace with the fast dialogue and to me an indecipherable American accent! As it was a suffocatingly hot day I had all the windows open, the fan blowing hot air around the room and myself slumped on the sofa wearing just my jeans. Out of consideration for the neighbours I had the volume dialled to a discreet volume due to open windows and the time being nearly ten pm. Once this cracking episode was over I went outside to have a draw on my roll-up thinking maybe the air was marginally fresher outside. My patio floodlight was on the blink so it was pretty gloomy outside (well to me at least!). As I sparked up, I was aware of a domestic argument from next door as their kitchen door was wide open. Being a discreet sort of chap I was concerned about being spotted outside and presumed to be eavesdropping on their heated shouting match. So I calmly took a few more draws on my roll-up, slowly turned about (slow movements being a pre-requisite for us Usher people in the gloom!) and retreated back indoors taking pains to quietly click my kitchen door shut. As I did so I heard their kitchen door slam hard making probably the whole row of houses shudder on their foundations and it was only at this point a slowly dawning realisation crept over me! I had paid no attention to what was being shouted between them, but I had subconsciously taken in everything being hollered and realised as the words belatedly filtered into my heat addled brain that, yes indeed, the verbal torrent was being directed at me! It transpired that while I was stood there calmly inhaling my roll-up, wearing just my jeans (I'm tall and thin so not a pretty sight!) looking like not a care in the world existed, my neighbour unbeknown to me was just a few feet from my face haranguing me for all he was worth about my watching tv with the windows open (what was his problem?!). I can only imagine his flabbergastedness at the sheer insouciance of my calmly finishing off a roll-up and turning back indoors without saying a single word! It has to be said I was initially mortified by my faux-pas. But upon recounting this story to family & friends, who responded with hilarity and praise for what they considered was a fitting response (even if I had been aware of what was really an ill-fitting show of intolerance from Mr Angry Neighbour), I do freely admit that I wish the episode had been captured on film so I could marvel at what must have seemed a devil-may-care Œwho gives a damn reactionŒ!! Oh if only! |
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